I realize that what I'm about to say might sound ridiculous to some. Not everyone sees fashion as self expression and identity and that's okay, but I very much do and that's also valid. But a big part of why I wanted to see Ghost again was when I was in London I hated my outfit, and even on the day as soon as it was too late to do anything about it I realized that I should have worn my Moitie dress. I even said it in that entry. It kind of touches on why seeing BabyMetal was so emotional to me, but I've always been very much othered and excluded from music spaces because I like to dress girly and cute which apparently doesn't fit. And whilst I normally don't care whether people like my outfit or not - you have to have a thick skin to wear lolita for as long as I have! - I've also spent a big chunk of my life being bullied, and when it comes to things I care about, like Ghost, feeling rejected yet again really is no fun. But what that London show actually ended up teaching me was that it's even less fun to feel self conscious, so utterly unlike yourself that you don't even feel like you. Add to that the internal shame I felt at trying to fit in in the first place because I'd prioritized making the people around me more comfortable than prioritizing my own comfort, I spent most of the show feeling completely alienated from myself and my body. And whilst it sounds stupidly frivolous and superficial to think "I want to see Ghost again so I can wear what I should have worn", I realized afterwards that what I was actually doing was stopping the experience of seeing one of my favourite bands from getting tangled up in yucky feelings, and replacing that memory with a new, better one, where I felt powerful and authentic, and I think that's a big part of why my whole trip to Copenhagen felt so momentous to me and helped me get out of my anxiety so much. And maybe that isn't silly or superficial at all actually.
So this is what I wore to see Ghost in Copenhagen, and I absolutely loved this outfit. My hotel room wasn't big enough to take pictures in (and I went there alone so a selfie wouldn't have worked) but this is an exact replica of the whole coord. And far from being othered I had girls running up to me to tell me they loved my outfit - being yourself works!!
Dress & nun collar - Moi-même-Moitié // headdress - Baby The Stars Shine Bright // necklace - Ghost merch
Having learned my lesson, I didn't mess around going to see BabyMetal, or even let the extreme heat dissuade me. And really if you're not going to wear lolita to go see a Japanese band, then just when are you! I was also very proud of myself that I managed to fit everything I needed for the show into my Usakumya bag. If you've never seen one in real life, you have to peel off her hood and open the top of her head, and then squeeze everything through her neck which is half the width of the rest of the bag. Because of that they're usually just used for decoration and not much else, but I managed to actually make her functional for once and didn't need anything else - I didn't even have a pocket!
Dress & headbow - Moi-même-Moitié // Usakumya - Baby the Stars Shine Bright // shoes - Angelic Pretty // socks - Marble
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